How do you TRY to do something?  I have used example in my office of putting a pen in my hand and asking the client to ‘try’ to take it from me.  It is AMAZING to me at the ways they try….grabbing, pushing, slapping.  But none of them realize it is sort of a trick.  You cannot TRY to take it!  You either DO, or you DON’T.  Think about it.  They take the pen or they leave the pen.  You cannot TRY to do anything!  So, how often do we use that excuse when making plans, avoiding something distasteful, or not working on things we know we need to.  “I’ll try to get to it.”  I could give you a million examples in every day life when we (all) do it.  So, begin being aware of that in your life.  Change it to “I’m working on it” or something else that gives you more accountability in your languaging.  Whenever I hear someone say “I’ll try” I KNOW they will NOT succeed or follow through.  That is the way the brain is wired.  This is a HUGE back door for us to not have to do what we may even have ‘promised’ ourselves or others that we will do!  Stop trying and do it, OR say no (in some form or another)!!

Whatever it is that you resist, be that feelings, work, confrontation, chores…..will still be there even though you are resisting, right?  Another word for this that some use is procrastination.  Somehow we try to convince ourselves that if we ignore it or put it off it will go away?!  But does it, no!  In the world of mental health, the more we resist feelings we are having, the more then continue to bother us until finally we blow up (remember the pressure cooker) and cause us much more trouble than it would have if we had not resisted for so long.  So, my advice would be fairly obvious at this point…stop resisting and face the feelings.  Face the fears.  Move through it instead of denying or running from it.  It might be scary at the time, but very well worth it after you do it!

“Human beings would rather go through life being right doing the wrong thing that to go through life being wrong doing the right thing…Why is it so difficult to change your habits, your comfort zones?  It is because nearly all of your brain cell patterns are baesd on right and wrong.  You see, if you change your comfot zone, you are admitting that something must have been wrong with it or there would be no reason to change it, would there?  Because of this programming, people have the feeling that if they change they are admitting to the whole world that what they were doing was wrong or that the chnage may be wrong.  It is because of this programming with right and wrong that we hang onto our problems.  We don’t want to let go of them.  You’ve all experienced this.”
How attached are you to your version of RIGHT and WRONG?

Please be sure to view my ‘important links’ page!  I am adding all kinds of great things as I find them….everything from great daily affirmations, help for family behavior modification plans, to hospice and palliative care…..and much, much more!

Have you ever noticed that when someone says “YOu did a great job BUT…….” that whatever words come after the BUT are the truth?  Or, “I love you BUT……I don’t want to be with you anymore.”  There a millions of examples, but the concept will never change: Whatever comes AFTER the b.u.t. is the TRUTH of the matter!  BUT stands for behold the underlying truth.  In nother words, listen to what I say AFTER I have said the word BUT.  So, watch how often you do that!  Watch when others do that.  YOu will notice it happens a lot, can be kind of disturbing but very enlightening also.  It can/does change the whole context of sentences, conversations, etc. when we are willing to be aware of our words, own them and say what we MEAN!  Try not staying “BUT” for a day and see if you can and how it feels!